sick leave

Today went to the staff clinic to get leave for my injury sustained. I went to see the occupational health dr and I managed to get Hospitalisation leave although at first he wanted to give me light duty... Is there such a thing as light duty in nursing? Thats a very funny thought. I cant imagine myself sitting at the counter writing report and picking up phone calls. Even doing bed making or lifting patients, or even applying a plaster for a patient is painful... There is no such thing as light duty for nurses and definately for those with injury of the hands. Without your hand or thumb you cant do much... The previous time i injured my ankle but i could still limp around, however this time my thumb is severely swollen and there is hematoma, I cant see how it can be light duty.

Then when I passed up my mc and HL, my SNM didnt look too happy but i didn't really care. After this leave is my annual leave again... Dun really want to bother too much. My friend said i should have taken 1 week of hospitalisation leave, then could have pushed my AL back... Hehe... but I think it would have been too much like that...

I really feel upset about tha place where i work now. Dunno whether its because i just lost my passion in nursing... Haiz. but besides this i dunno what else I am doing. or am I just tired of everything. My friend said I still look very happy on the outside, but I feel inside I am not really that happy as I seem... Haiz... I feel tired.

Anyways i got not much time to think about this. i got to try to finish my 2000 word essay before saturday!!!

Today was one of the worst days i Had working . Reason being that this morning i was really not feeling well to work. I was having stomach cramps, vomiting and was being blue and moody all over. Furthermore I they decided to cohort all the infectious patients in my room, so I was pretty stressed. Well, usually I would be ok but just today i was already feeling moody in the first place. My junior today did not even have time to go toilet or furthermore to go for break, so I helped her to fetch back one patient from a procedure and helped to sponge one patient and bring another one for shower. Even one of the nice staff asked me why since i came to b2 i Have stopped smiling as frequently as last time. I really dunno whether I am tired becaus eof school or I really dun feel comfortable there..

Here i feel so alone. Like even if anything happens to me or I need help, no one will help me... I feel so helpless sometimes. Is it because i am antisocial. I really tried mixing with them but sometimes I feel that we dun click I know I am not supposed to compare this with the previous place I worked, but here they really dun help one another, althoough they claim to be very united. One eg. today when I was doing a 45 minute massive dressing wearing my isolation gown I accidently pressed on the call bell. Initially I wanted to turn it off but i decided to leave it on and see who came to my help. but after 20 minutes , no one came. Only when my junior came back from bringing one of the patients for assisted shower did she come to check on the call bell. I was rather disapointed at the results. No one came to my help (although i didn't really need it)> I just have been used to the culture of helping each other as much as we can. I am just disapointed that when I come here, they dun practice the same thing , To Help One another...

Did God place me out of my comfort zone to let me experience different feelings??? Can I overcome it...

MiSEARBLE

Today I am off again, but i am still stuck at home doing my Community profile project. i thought i could get it down by yesterday in school but apparently my school library does not even have Microsoft Word. They only have a program for reading microsoft files but not for doing work. i suspect they purposely did it so that not too many ppl would linger there to do project. Anyways i was rather pissed cause I went there all the way from home to do my project.

Luckily i have Connie Talbot to accompany me. My freind sent me her song "Somewhere over the rainbow" Its really nice and soothing, like a lullaby

I am currently stuck in the last part of my assignment which is the part on Physical Assessment. There are just too many things to say in this section.. Haiz...

I dun even know whether i can finsih this bloody assignment by today. i feel so bloody tired and miserable!!!

Finally my off day comes. Today was morning shift in charge. I still feel like a immigrant in the place I am working in. I guess it will take some time for me to get used to it. i always beleive as long as i do finish my work and do it well its good enough liao., or rather thats just the basic. Today my colleagues went out after work. Was very tempted to join them but stopped myself as I have to rush this Community profile project before monday. Haiz...

When i came home, I was too tired to do anything so just bathed and took a nap. Initialy only supposed to be for half and hour but in the end it lasted for 3 hours but I feel quite refreshed... Anyways have done at least three quarter of the project already... just hpe i can rush through it and pass it up on Monday so i can start on my essay for Nursing knwlege and practice...

I am just thankful that the next few days i am off so i can concentrate on my studies. its really tiring to study and work at the same time. i can testify that hands down.

Really cant stand one of the staff at my side... Feel she is very rude and has an attitude problem.

Haiz... have been so busy the past copy of days . AL has finished, Before AL finished was trying o finish my assignment. Unfortunaely i still have many more sections to cover... After AL finished , everyday has just been packed to the brim. Started my new experience in a new station, meeting new ppl, nursing different patients, adapting to different work flow pattenrns. But watever it is , i beleive as long s i do my work well, u will be accepted anywhere.

I do feel like a outcaste and not welcome sometimes but i try to brush it aside and concentrate on my work... many cause i myself am too tired , I just dun bother. I just need a bit more time o adapt to the ppl there.

After work everyday is classes at SIM. By the time I go home a 10 or 11 pm, I still have to coninue with my assignment whic is due next monday.... Arggh... And i have a mini assignment due on saturday.

Where is my light, enthusiasm drive, that i had so many years before and I swore to make a difference in someones life with it... Has it all faded into thin air. i FEEL LIKE A ZOMBIE AS i LIVE DAY TO DAY. I SERIOUSLY NEED SOMEONE TO SMACK MY HEAD AND DRAG me back to church to experience all the wholeness goodness in life. I think generally I am still ok on the outside but I feel like a rotten apple inside. Last night met up with Kavi and Verna until 5 this mrning. The past few days have felt constipated with assignments and problems at hom. Finally I have some relief from it all. Though its just a simple outing at Mac, but it really work tonnes. Last night we made a pact... to spread light to someones life each day. I seriously want to do that. I hope i can...

I know I am back sliding and somehow I dun seem to really care. Thats why many years before when my cell group leader asked me to get baptised I just kept quiet. I knew this day would come. if I wanted to I could but I want to commit my whole life to him and have the assurance i wun falter. i knew I wasnt that strong (in the sense of faith). I am back sliding ... I wish someone could just make a difference in my life and show me the right way. Although I knew it all along but i feel too exhausted to thread that path. Thats why I feel like a forsaken fool on earth. Maybe god has forgotten me, or he is calling out to me but i just can't hear... Thats always the case right...

Gotta go now and get Mucrosoft office CD rom from Ina. the pass few days assignment have been done on Word pad. its just too pathethic... haha!!!

Haiz... i feel kinda depressed. Its my leave but I feel more stressed at home. Stressed not because of my assignment but because my father is at home too. He is just so irritable. i dunno what the hell he wants me to do. i know he thinks just becuase I am at home I should wash the clothes, bathe the cats, fold the clothes, so every a good girl should do... and I can swear I am doing some, but that some is not good enough for his standard and he wants me to do everything. What the hell. I wish u can just rooll back to china and find a mistress (which i suspects he has) to stay there forever. I really wish so... i am not close to him at all...And I am not interested to talk to him at all... He just scolded me and said I treat this place like a hotel and like never see me . What the hell. , please lah i am working and studying at the same time. And I already told him i want to rush my assignments. This is really pushing me to the limit. I really feel tired . Tired of all his nonsense, tired of getting scoldings, I really want him to get out of my life forever. (I dun mean him to die , just get out of my life)...

My mom says just treat what he says like wind, cause she cant give a damn to... She even asked me to go to shchool to do my assignments. Can u imagine even she cant be bothered with him,,, Haiz.... If all guys are like that i rather remain a old spinster all my life...

assignment fever

Today I spent the whole day doing one of the assignments which I am suppose to pass up today. Just submitted it in already. Next I have to rush another assignment on Community profile which is due next next monday and I havn't started on it yet... i really must buck up and try to get everything done before I go korea next month on the 5th of may. It gives me something to look forward too.... I love holidays!!!

Do u believe in fate. I know it sounds silly and naive but i used to... I used to think that there would be someone out there that god made for me just for me, and no matter what even thru seperation we would somehow meet again. Well i used to have that sort of fantasy and wish that it would come trueh. That that person would be able to accept me even for my weaknesses and flaws. But as I get older I start to feel and realise maybe there is no thing such as love, or maybe not for me , or is it something I have to chase after.... Or am I too simple, ordinary to experience it... haiz... I know it sounds shallow but i feel like that sometimes. i think i watch too many dramas ... hehe!!!

I am still contemplating whether to go for my colleagues house warming tomorrow. But its at Choa Chu Kang... I shall see how my assignment goes along.

More pictures in redang

Pictures I took in redang

MY remaining AL at home.... =(

Its my AL but have to rush my assignments... They just seem to be up to my neck until I cant breath sometimes... hehe... but off course can only say I will try my best.

Today was so tired... My arms and legs were aching. i guess its all the activity from the running, swimming and snorkling. My head feels a bit achy too... I guess its all the sun that has gotten to me...

Been and back from Redang!!!

The past few days have been in redang until today evening i just came back.

Overall Redang is a really nice place to be in. The nice clear beaches, the strong sun, the exciting snorkling experiences, the buffet food (although the food is really not that fantastic). and i would have to say the company is very important too...

This trip has been a very exciting experience for me. Initially I wanted it to be a relaxing trip where i could just connect with god and have some peace and quiet. However thanks to one of my friends sort of influenced me to take part in the activities such as snorkling (3 times) and banana boat. The snorkling experiences was an eye opener in which i really got to experience marine life. I got to see the beautiful corals and colourful fishes. I even had the experience of feeding the fishes with bread (in which i almost got bitten... hehe). This experience also made me realise I have really bad stamina nowadays and get easily tired (dunno whether its because of my cardio problem)... I really need to exercise more... haha. And I really feel god is really marvellous to create all aspects of the world. Sometimes when i forget all else i think about his greatness and wisdom which is incomparable.

Another activity which was highly thrilling was the banana boat in which 4 to 5 ppl sit on a big banana shaped float which is led by a rope connected to a speed boat. All of us are supposed to hold on tight and turn together when the speed boat turns. Once the banana boat overturns or one of us fall off during the process the whole float will overturn throwing us all off into the sea. it was kinda fun and thrilling especially when we fell off the float. It was safe as we were all wearing a life jacket.

Another thing which i felt very amusing is there is one channel on the tv there that shows "Xia ri de Mo Mo Cha" 24 hours a day 7 days a week because the film was filmed in redang. They are really proud of the show cause this is the show that brought redang to popularity.

Would i go there again... I think maybe not. Cause although i really like the place but its much too far away. The whole journey to get there takes around 10 hours ... and the food there is sorta sucky for a 4 star resort... But will never forget my experience there!!!

Comfort Zone

I used to think i wanna be the sort of person that is adaptable to changes and willing to step out of my comfort zone anytime... But 2 days ago when i was happily working my sister called me into her office and told me i am to be transferred to another station to work. i was sorta shocked and couldn't really beleive it cause i thought they were joking with me since it was April Fool's Day. I feel sad cause I have been working in this environment for almost 2 years and have gotten all used to my surroundings. Its the place where i really grew, developed and made friends. But I know and guess i have to move on. if next time in the future i ever wanna transfer out of the ward or move out of the hospital, this is only a step towards that. I know my new environemtn is more busy and challenging so I shall just make use of this oppurtunity to gain more experience. God ... Please give me strength.!!!

Anyways can't wait to go redang this sunday with my friends!!!