Hi... Now watching a korean drama... the story is basically about a kindergarten, the children and the ppl working in and around it and the main character is a kindergarten teacher... its basically like any korean drama with love , family warmth... etc... Watching it reminds me of the time when i was working in a play school (though only for a short time) ... That was after my o levels , during the very long holidays . i took up 2 jobs . In the morning worked in the play school, opeinging it up before the students and the teacher came in, mopped the floor , got ready all the toys and teaching materials. When the kids came (they were around 2 to 3 years old) helped around and assisted the teacher in singing with them and playing with them, When they needed to go toilet had to help around etc... After they left, helped to tidy up and clean up the place again etc. clean toilet, tidy the cabinets... haha. In the afternoon i had another job at burger king.... Woah , those were the days, working without much responisbility and thought....

tHOUGH I USED TO WORK IN A PLAY SCHOOL, I AM NOT NATURALLY GOOD WITH KIDS. I duno how to sweet talk or coax the little kids and i wun suddenly start hugging them and giving them kisses. And i dun have the face that kids like i guess. One of my friends, verna... she is really good with kids... She can think of funny stuff to talk to them, play with them, start telling them jokes etc... I guess its due to the fact she has so many brothers and sisters so its like that at her house. i think she must be a good sister. She is even planning of doing pre school education after her bond... I am happy she finally found what she likes to do... hehe... but for me ... well kids are cute lah... but i think thats abt all there is to comment on that... haha

Ok better back to studying... preparing for a tutorial tomorrow on the Effects of technology on Nursing...

A Long DAY

Today was a really really really long day... i finally get a chance to sit down and really breath and recollect the thoughts of the day... Had morning shift today and it was a pretty fine day at work... had time to help my junior to do 2 sponging for the patients... Felt really really hot today, dunno whether its because of the weather today, the new uniform , or some hormonal imbalance in my body... hehe... Was quite free, I even had time to help my colleague serve some of her IVs and medication...

Anyways after my work at around 3 had to go for some stupid clinical teaching in which one of my colleagues presented on a case study of one of her patients eg. diagnosis , treatment plan, necessary interventions etc... it was damn boring until i almost slept. I know its pretty mean but just couldn't help it... I only had less than 4 hours of sleep last night... And if thats not bad enougH after that had to rush over to SIM for classes at 5... Haiz... I didn't even have time to bathe!!! My only consolation is that i bumped into guan yi on the way there and we both took the bus to sim from the hospital as its near her house... Really miss her to bits... She was saying if she could return back to our ward and by thAT time i finished my degree AND decided to do my advanced diploma, could we do it together...

I have never really thought of speciallising in oncology or anything else yet, and even IF i were to decide on it, it would be on my own accord, i wun do it because anyone else asks me to do it... however , if its her i wouldn't mind studying together with her, cause she is someone who can spur me on and motivate me and i really need someone like that. We always seem to encourage each other on... hehe

The lesson AT SIM today was pretty interesting but exhausting to the mind... the first 2 hours was tutorial which i did not have any time at all to prepare for... Each group was supposed to send out a representative to voice out ther opinions... it suddenly hit me that although i have my own opinions but i am not exactly a really vocal person... Somnetimes really envy those really vocal ppl, who can voice out their opinions so confidently and are even fighting to represent their tutorial to presnt on their topic. i sorta get a bit freaked out when i get near the microphone and my voice becomes so soft and scrawny... hehe. And i really find it amusing that some ppl can stay back after classes to ask questions that i never even thought of asking.... well , i suppose they are really hard working... Thats the art of critique i guess.. which we are suppose to learn. tutorial was followed by a 2 hour lecture. aNWYAS cant say anything more now cause i am really really too tired and i need a good nights sleep... cant wait to attack my bed!!!

Today finally got to rest at home and just slack... Have been extremely busy this week. Everyday has been just work and classes after that... seldom got anytime for myself. Fell sick on one of the days and had to take mc but still went for classes cause their is no replacement class even when i am sick... Haiz... Anyways classes have been good. its tough to juggle school and work together but i will try my best... Been rather stressful cause this module requires alot of reading of many articles, and I am not even a quarter thru. Anyways I shall continue tomorrow since today is my rest day for the week... Haha... Must set aside some times for relaxation.

Today met up with jacq, alina, jenny at golden mile to enquire about our trip to redang. And yes, its confirmed already will be going between april 6 to 9... Really excited. i will get a chance to do snorkling and do all the fun stuff and really relax... Booked the tour from Konsortium tour agency.

Tomrrow i am having afternoon shift. I will just tahan until my next off on tuesday...

Lord Give me strength

Give us your strength, Lord
Because sometimes things get tough
and we are tempted to quit

Give us your love, lord
Because sometimes ppl reject us,
and we are tempted to hate

Give us our eyes, lord
Because sometimes life gets dark,
and we lose our way.

Give us your courage, Lord
Because often we are put under pressure,
and its hard to do what is right.

Give us yourself , Lord
Because our hearts were made for u,
and we will not rest until we rest in u.

Mark Link, S.J

TIRED

Last night after work really was tooo tired to do anything... I never knew i was so tired until i slept... it think i slept more than 12 hours but it was great. I no longer have that achy feeling in my body now. My only regret was that i did not have time to really talk to my sister who is only coming back to singapore these few days that i happen to be so busy... Actually had alot to tell her but i am just too tired and brain dead to say anything... Yesterday in the evening also was suppose to go my aunt's house for some reunion but i gave it a miss too...I think when u are tired , u just wanna stone and be by urself and think by urself and just get some rest...

On a lighter note i will be starting my lessons tomorrow after work ... hehe... and tomorrow will be the day our singhealth changes our uniform too... haha. Btw the new uniform looks quite horrible...

Was thinking, may want to be a community health nurse, like those type of nurses that go ppl house to administer nursing care or give teaching next time... also thought of going places such as dubai or australia... But these are just thoughts. its impossible to do them now...

ORIENTATION

Its been a busy day... Oh wait before i start i would like to wish everyone a Happy valentines Day...

Today was my sim first day of orientation. I woke up around 6 plus to get ready. I was still dopey eyed when i was out of the house and struggled with everyone else in the mrt... it was damn squeezy... I have really forgotten the feeling of squeezing in the mrt... going to work and school at a more sane time rather than 5 plus in the morning... sorta miss the feeling. Anyways i still have one more day to experience that again before i go back to my normal routine of going work at 5 plus in the morning again... haha... on the way there did my normal routine of listening to the radio , thats when i realised it was valentines day (not that it makes very much difference). According to statistics singapore men are more willing to spend money to surprise their girl friends or other halves. They are willing to spend up to 500 dollars for the occasion itself. So singaporeans are the leading country in asia that celebrates valentines day... hehe . Anyways personally to me I just find valentines day a gimmick used to earn money... But then every girl likes a surprise sometimes... haha

Went to SIM and met up with some of my old batch mates during the orientation. During the orientation, they basically just introduced the faculty ppl, gave us info on our course, how to access e learning, find information through online databases, basic techniques in essay writing and referencing. the last part abt essay writing was pretty boring but its quite important so i struggled to keep myself awake... i think the most interesting part was the tea break and lunch... hehe... kidding lah.... I really did enjoy it today except the fact that they already gave us h/w to produce tomorrow during day 2 of orientation.

We finished around 4 and after went to century square to watch "PS... I Love u"... its not bad but i still prefer 27 Dresses. Tomorrow will be another day of orientation...

POST NIGHT

Been busy the past 24 hours and it has been a long night and day.... Anyways.. my round of night shift was kinda horrible... i beleive its because now the patients are all heavy and the combination of ppl I am working with... Its all about group dynamics , the night can be shitty but if u are working with the right ppl for u , things will turn out fine... I just feel this combination i am doing more than the others... Just met up with jacq, jenny and alina in the evening though i was really really sleepy... only caught a few hours of sleep in the afternoon.... We were discussing about our trip to redang which will be roughly around april 6 to 9... It will be a good getaway near to nature and i could experience snorkeling which i have not done before... hehe. I just imagine everything, the sea breeze, the nice blue sea , the soft sand, wind blowing against my cheeks, hearing the sound of me breathing.... i really really need a break...



The next 2 days will be busy with sim orientation... Hope it will turn out fine...


Sometimes i wish ppl would just leave me alone at the appropriate time... i just need to be alone with myself sometimes...

Sometimes really dunno what to say... Its not that i want to complain but sometimes i just dun understand how ppl can be like that... but then i always tell myself who am i to say other ppl's flaws. its not as if i am perfect...I dun want to be that type of person that only know how to say other ppl, but dunno how to work... Working with different types of ppl is difficult. You have to learn to accept each others flaws and working habits... Will I be the sort of person that ppl respect in the future.. I am far from that i guess... But i will work hard.

JINKO ME

Omg... i still cant beleive it. I just prayed that yesterday would be a good and peaceful day... and in the end i not only had one of my patients pass away... but 2.... I can only be grateful they were not for any invassive investigatrions (like not to be sent to icu). Their prognosis was poor and were expectred to pass away just maybe within a time frame... anyways i still cant over the fact both died during my shift... haiz. haiz haiz, and i am the one that was pushing the e trolley her and there. It was just so occupied last night.. didn't even have time to eat... Only at the ending of the shift i ate potato chips that my friend bought... (salt and vinegar flavour)... yum yum... haha... I hope tonight will be a better night...

Sianz........... its the old vicious cycle... i am dragging my feet off to work for night shift.... i always have the old dreary feeling when i have night shift... hope tonight will be peaceful... Its so dreary until i cant seem to smile and i feel so empty inside when working... Sayonara. see u tomorrow... Hopefully I will be in one piece...

Tonight having night shift so just slacking around the house a bit before i being my round of night again. Just ordered the KFC Golden feast so waiting for it to be delievered... Plannning my schedule for the next 2 weeks. really packed schedule nowaays... busy with work, orientation and school and when i squeeze in time... piano classes, hardly got any free time... wat more to plan stuff like i used to do... well.. I have enjoyed that before, so having no regrets. Now is a phase in my life that i just feel like enriching and advancing myself...

DAY OUT with Mates

Back from meeeting together with kavi and verna. We met up at 11 pm at mac which was rather late. but anyways it was worth it... really been some time since we chatted and i would admit to anyone hands down i would give them priority of my time compared to working or poly mates... They are just the person i feel totally at ease with... Even though we are tired after work, but never too tired to meet. Its just seeing each other and chatting is a form of destressment for us... I dunno how much i will have to meet up with them once i start my course in sim... but i know i always have them for support.

Anyways planning to spend my valentines day with them... In fact Feb. 14th is spent whole day on sim orientation... wat a bore...

Went out with alina after work in the late afternoon... We wanted to search thru tour agencies for info of tours to redang but unfortunately all the tour agencies in chinatown are closed... Haiz.. I brought her to eat korean food in chinatown... we ate rice, chicken stew casserole, spring onion egg ommelette, and korean rice cake.. anyways it was really nice... Hard to describe . Will try to upload pictures when i can... Pictures can tell a hundred words... After that decided to go tampines to watch kung fu Dunk. it was a not bad show but extremely exaggerated... but it was worth it cause jay chou was inside so was pretty cool... It feels funny but nice to be able to go out on a saturday evening. Like i am back to normal life or like when i was a student.

I used to think that shift duties would be fun exciting and challeging... but now i really wish i could work on weekdays and have off on weekends... Just yearn for a nomal lifestyle... people are always like that... never contented...

BUSY and Tiring Day

Heya... today was a superbly busy day.. and i feel damn exhausted.. words cannot describe this feeling. But i can only say it was superbly busy for a chinese new year... and the day just left me feeling confused... haha... anyways its over. I should just learn to just let go after work... Probably i should take up meditation like my mother and listen to those aromatherapy music... Or i could take up yoga... nah.. too busy liao...

Now listening to gold. 90.5... some oldie songs called "me and you and a dog named boo"... Oh really hate the song... but seems rather familiar... haha... probably heard it when i was young...

Tomorrow will be a busy day too... Have morning shift. After that will be meeting up with alina to enquire about tours to redang. Will be bringing her to eat korean food after that... Then in the night will be meeting up with kavi and verna to hang out at our usual meeting place... Anyways sunday i will be having night shift so can go out late... Time really flies especially when u working. i feel like 25 already... haha!!!

FUNCTIONS

Just came back from my aunt's house. Met up with all my cousins from my mother's side... They are the type that i really see or meet once a year during cny or during weddings and funerals... somehow feel rather detached and forced when i start a conversation... I find myself usually mixing with one of my closer cousins, or the aunty section, food section, titbits section or watching tv _ american idol like i did so today... anyways the american idol was nice... its the 7th season... cant beleive it... The last time i watched it was the 3rd season when i was in yr 2... Anyways i find myself looking forward to the food only when i go for these functons...

Anyways its back to work tomorrow... haiz... hopefull tomorrow is not too busy.

Hi... its cny. Happy chinese new year to everyone. Anyways been busy with cny preperation... This yr my relatives came over for reunion dinner so had to help around the house. Anyways today my aunt and cousin also came over and they have just left... So i pretty have much of the time left for myself until the evening. I need to go over to my mother's side family's house...

Anyways i just realised that i am easily drawn to ppl with nice smiles... i was talking to my cousin and actually i kept on looking at his smile... So i guess a smile is very important.. everyone loves a lovely smile...

I am sooooooooo tired... Just finished packing my brother room, tidying up downstairs, preparing lunch for my grandmother, folding the clothes.... I really regret having the eve off... ok. I think my point is brought across.... I am now ripping shows into my external hard drive for my sister to borrow when she comes back singapore.... ripping "Coffee Prince " now.

Just feel so wasted to stay at home and do house work... since i am starting my course soon.. why cant i just go out and enjoy before all that starts...

House work... hehe

I am tired... after just 2 hours of house work... haha... this is more exhausting than work... i cant imagine how my mom can do it the whole day ... she is super mom... Anyways she asked me to tidy up my brother's room... bleh... big fat ass... but anyways it gives me time to update u....

CNY Eve

Today is cny eve... it will be busy busy busy... i dun really like cny... its just so busy.. the rest of the year is busy and hectic and cny is no exception... thn u will have to face relatives and smile and pretend to be interested in their topic and they will ask u questions like whether u have boyfriend...etc... u know what i mean... But i like the food... hehe...This year cny will be at my house so not really sure abt the good food.. we are having steamboat for the eve... tomorrow will be going over to my mother's side(think the food will be better). I just finished cleaning my windows, now have to clean the metal railings and the mirror... today must stay at home and be a "guai" type of girl (rolls eyes)... such a waste for my off day... Haiz.. anyways i am using my brother com cause my computer monitor is spoilt... Haiz...

Probably today will be spent doing errands for my mum.... I wish i was working morning on the eve... seriosly.... haha!!!

27 Dresses

Went out with angelina in the evening cause she is going back to auzzie next week and i dun know when i will meet her... Was late for 45 minutes (so typical of me) so treated her to dinner...

We went to watch the show"27 Dresses", and its soooo nice. Initially we wanted to watch the sweeney todd show but after reading the reviews decided not to cause its rather gory and i dun really wanna watch such a stressful show as i already feel stressed out.. "27 Dresses" is a really really nice show... Its those type of shows that make u leave the theatre feeling touched, happy and fuzzy inside... hehe... and makes u feel that there is something such as true love. Its hundreds of times better than the previous show i watcheed called "The Mist"(oh it was horrible , especially the ending). Anyways its definately not a bimbo show as one of my friends said... In fact its as good as "The Devil wears prada". The main lead female is sooo pretty and the guy is so cute... He looks so charming and i love his smile... Lastly this show makes u hopeful that one day u will find ur true love... hehe...

Anyways after that went to eat taiwan xiao chi at century square and chatted at the same time then we started gossiping and catchingup with old stuff... hehe... Really seems that when i am with her cant finish talking... time always passes so fast. the next time i see her will probably be in june... will miss her... We shall both work hard in our respective roles.... Love u ,, my friend.... Thank u friend... u really made me feel better!

Guess I gtg now... tomorrow have to wake up earlier to help around the house cause got relative coming over to my house for cny eve.... Adios!!!

My FIRST COMPLAINT

Haiz... remember the patient i was talking about who i transferred up and down the bed... well I officially got my first complaint letter in the feed back form saying i am not sensitve and not empathethic... this really sucks. i feel so upset and feel like shit... and unappreciated.

I suppose i am suppose to take this as a learning experience but cant seem to get positive thoughts in my head now., just let me grumble the night away. Tomorrow will be a new day. I suppose sometimes i can become rather moody... but i just feel hurt. Cause i am after all someone who takes pride in my work. Haiz. anyways its all over. I think if i go back i probably would not change anything. Maybe i shouldn't have helped out my other colleagues then i would not have gotten all this shit. I cant think of anything i would change . Probably keep the comment to myself... thats all...

Haiz.. am i think by the time i am 30 i will be a grumpy old spinster if i continue having the life i am having. Dun even know if its a life... at all...

Hey its almost 4 in the morning. U must be thinking why this girl is still awake... hahah... anyways i cant really sleep now cause i slept at 7 pm to 3 am... will catch some more sleep after this.. Anyways my sleep was great. Wow... cant beleive i slept a whole 8 hours.. Thats just so great... Anyways i feel so sad... my tv in the room not working. It has officially gone crazy, so no more watching shows until i get a new one... haha. anyways this tv is very old , almost 10 yrs, but it has only been in my room for 2 months and it decided to die in my hands... haha...

Today was working in the day shift... It was a pretty ok day for me only that i was the in charge of the room and my junior was this 60 year old aunty. Thenhaving her as my junior is like me being th e junior myself... I really have to help her with most things cause she has a bad knee... I helped her with most of the sponging and answer many of the call bells... haiz.. anyways also dun want to complain so much or else it seems like i am very evil discriminating against the elderly. Anyways I am not. I am very willing to help them. just that this aunty is very "de cun jin chi" ... which means give a foot , take a yard. I FELT I am being bullied !!! Just because u are old and have a bad knee doesn't mean u can ignore the call bells or show that kind of face when i ask u to do things when passing report... so pissed off. Anyways i really showed my temper to her but she is probabaly too thick skin to see it... What to do. I cant probe further cause this society is very into showing respect to the elderly... hahaha....

Ok better go and sleep now... Tomorrow have to go earliy to national heart centre for my appointment before my work in the afternoon...

A Hypocritical smile

Work sucks sometimes... This is like a phrase used to start a composition.. i could just go on and on... and it would reach no end... i just feel really unappreciated no matter how hard i try sometimes... Firstly i am upset cause i was attending to this patient for 3 or 4 times getting her up and down the bed... and she is so damn freaking heavy but i just discharged my duties as this is my job... The aunt's family keep on wanting us to transfer from bed to chair, from chair to commode numerous times... i attended to her although its not even my patient. Obviously inside my head and mind i would not be happy to do it but i just did it... so after my break i came back and it just so happened that her call bell was on and no one was attending to it, so me and my colleague went to attend and we saw the aunty back on the chair when before my break i had put her back on bed... so i just commented "huh... how come she is back on the chair again" Thats all i said... After that, the aunty's daughter who overheard this said sarcastically, "You CANNOT
be like this u know, these patients are very old and suffering". "how can u pass these sort of remarks""U all should try to understand them and grant them their wishes." Then i was so diaoz... she just kept on rambling on and on but i couldn't bother to listen to her so just put her back to bed with my friend's help... I just feel quite irritated but its just something i have to swallow . I really wanted to say something back at her but i think if i said anything it wouldn't have been something pleasant...

I really feel irritated. Sometimes no matter how much u try to help someone, ppl just dun seem to appreciate it... And its frustrating. i dun even thinki said something wrong or sarcastic or was complaining. It was just a comment that i was saying to my colleague. A aptient of family member can always vent their anger on us or treat us as high class maids but we can never do the same or voice out our frustration. Just becuase this is our job and they are freaking "customers", we are suppose to give the service with a smile... SHIT!!!! I understand how patients are miserable and we need to empathise with them... I dun expect u understand how we feel but at least treat us as human beings and not maids or robots...

I just feel so disapointed with this world sometimes....