U touched my Heart

Today was a great day i have to say, went out with my colleagues which i have not done in a long time. Went to watch "2 Faces of my Girl friend". Its quite a lame but nice show and definately a comedy to cheer u up and it has a touching story line to it too... After that went to eat at pasta cafe where we all gathered and chatted... really treasure my times with them, especially now when i got so little time to go out... haha

Anyways today at 11.54 am I got a shocking piece of news. My favorite patient Jess (not her real name but nickname i gave her) had passed away. Really felt shocked and sad initially followed by feelings of peace. In the evening went for her wake. When i saw her in the coffin I could not help but smile... i just felt so releived for her, that she would not go thru so much pain again and she could rest peacefully. It was then her sister gave me a letter she had written before she had passed away. I really wanted to break down and cry when i read it... though in simple english, it meant so much to me... I just think of what sort of thoughts was running thru her head when she wrote this, was she thinking that she would die anytime, so she wanted to write to us to tell us how she felt ... Anyways the letter goes like this... i feel like sharing

Hey Li Shan (ppl call me that at work)

Still remember how we first met? Well i still remember. That was the first time staying in ward 48. That was when i stayed in the air con place and came to a non air con place in central . It was so hot and i was complaining that I wanted to change place. You were the one who told me not to change cause it was very good here. etc...

I still remember I was very depressed and u were there to support me and comfort me, and we talked alot about aLL SORTS OF THINGS.

I will never forget all these memories. You are all the best, lovely angels I have ever met.

Take care always and never give up even though working here is tough.

Love Jess...

Though in my line there are patients coming and going, but she is the on that really touched my heart. She was only 1 year older than me and we used to chat together , i saw the time when she just got diagnosed a year ago or so, from being depressed, to the extent she wouldn't speak to anyone. Everyday i had to coax her to take her medicine. Gradually she got better emotionally and i would sometimes complain to her abt work and how tired i felt and we would encourage each other. During nights when she was around she would sit at the counter and chat with us. Sometimes we would order supper together... and bicker at each other... yesterday she was really fitting very seriously but alll we coulkd do was just give her sedation cause she was not for anymore treatment and we gave her the maximum amt of oxygen via face mask. She just kept telling us she was sorry... probably she knew she was going off soon.

I treasure all these memories, but more than that I am thankful she was put in my life. Its not me that touched her life ,but she who touched mine. i dun regret knowing such a wonderful person like her. And i feel thankful that god has placed me in such a position to experience this love. though i see patients dying suffering and dying often but with my little help here and there i could make a little difference to make them comfortable... thats all that counts. I will not give up though its tough!

I hope those around me will also be happy and not wallow in self pity cause they dun have this or that. But just be happy and contented... life is as simple or complicated as u think it is... Ok i better get some sleep. I have afternoon shift tomorrow.